Girls

The only thing hard about you is your arteries...

Think several guys gravitating towards a girl (Brownian Motion) and one guy falling in love with her (Gravity) and reaching Terminal Velocity.... Oh, I could go on, but it would just get silly.

Attraction is sure mysterious.

Well, that's just dumb. I certainly pick "love 'em" over "leave 'em."

Those "MGTOW" guys are just angry that women aren't what they want them to be, rather than accepting them for what they are and doing their best to work with it.

The men who are the most "successful" with women are also the men who have been rejected by the most women. It's impossible to be liked by everyone all of the time, particularly women, who would likely freely admit to their fickleness. It's impossible for it to be any other way.

Women can be unpredictable, but I don't think there's anything terribly mysterious about them.

The state lottery is unpredictable too, but its operating principles aren't hard to figure out.

Man are far more irrational and erratic than women, and women are Goddesses, and Goddesses are certainly hard for mortals to understand.

I said that attraction is mysterious. In a crown of thousands, which is what most people effectively live in, sometimes two people meet and it's special. I think studies have suggested that HLA antigen matches, or rather mismatches, are key to attraction. Literally chemistry.

In my experience, most women don't really like to be put on the pedestal. At the end of the day, the men they like best are the ones who treat them with the respect and kindness that all people deserve, but not terribly different from anyone else.

"Princess" and "Goddess" types, who enjoy special treatment and favors, are definitely ones to steer well clear of.

I don't believe in "soulmates." There are simply people of opposite sexes who are able to tolerate each other, generally for a limited time.

There are millions of attractive, intelligent women in the world, many of whom I'd likely get along with well. Who am I to declare that one is more "right" for me than the other? It's kind of silly.

The important stuff begins at 1:15.

You sound remarkably democratic about mating, as if any attractive intelligent woman will do... however you define "attractive." If that's how you feel, you are in the minority. Most people do serious mating after a lot of shopping around, and pick someone that they have a special, and often unexpected, and often improbable, attraction to. Otherwise the common complaint "haven't found the right person" would be the silly idea.

I think most people wind up marrying people that do NOT fit their projected description.

Computer dating services should work, but usually don't. They should include blood tests or something.

A lottery for mating. That might be an improvement in odds.

Den tirsdag den 29. marts 2016 kl. 16.03.36 UTC+2 skrev John Larkin:

opposites attract, I've heard some claim that birth control pills messing with that attraction to "the smell different genes" are in part to blame for rising divorce rates. i.e. when on the pill women are attracted to men that smell like their dad, off the pill not so much

-Lasse

The common complaint "haven't found the right person" is so common because, for both men and women, that "right person" doesn't exist. They're searching and searching for a chimera, a fantasy person which exists only in their own minds.

Real people have all sorts of good and bad qualities. This "soulmate" stuff is a manufactured concept designed to sell Hallmark cards.

And computer dating services DO work, for all sorts of people of all sexual orientations.

Young people are getting laid or getting married or making new friends or whatever you want to do on those computer dating applications, like absolute gangbusters. It's efficient.

heh, yep

NT

I've dated my share of women and married twice. In both those cases, I knew that I seriously wanted her instantly, in 20 minutes. For me, there was genuine chemistry.

And I've dated some wonderful women where the chemistry was, unfortunately, not there for us. We were both disappointed, but you can't fight Nature. Or biochemistry maybe.

Hooking up is another matter. That can be arranged online, if that's your thing. What concerns me about the hookup generation is viruses.

It's good when it genuinely works out like that. Unfortunately, I've learned the hard way that one must approach attraction with a certain amount of caution.

It's possible for two people to be extremely attracted to each other and engage in platonic dating for a while and the relationship still works out badly, and for two people to have sex quickly ("hook up"), while still being emotionally cautious, and have the relationship work out very well in the long term.

Fucked-up, abusive relationships often begin in reverse. It's wonderful at first, you start with the gigantic reverse. By the end you're begging for appetizers and scraps. Genuine relationships almost always begin with the appetizers first, i.e. caution.

"Immediate chemistry" can be great, but it can sometimes also be very dangerous. There are many people, both men and women, out there who are extremely cunning manipulators, and know how to push all the right buttons. But they don't really feel anything at all.

Folks who pooh pooh online dating often also say you can't meet "quality" people in bars or nightclubs. I think it's just rationalization (we're not like THOSE people!) It's possible to meet many great people via online dating and nightclubs. It's possible to meet straight-up sociopaths at your church luncheon. Takes all types.

"gigantic reverse" should be "gigantic dessert", rather. Mmm.

The number 1 way to make a female engineer or scientist immediately lose all attraction for you, if you've just recently met, is to start jabbering at her about engineering or science. ; )