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OT: My Job Interview

I've only labeled this OT because there might be those who may take exception to me posting under my real name while in myh delicate condition.

I.e,, stewed to the gills.

I think I left a bypo of ros sbo eve.

Anyways, to the point.

OK, it's Rich Grise (say, "Gryce" or "Greiss", whichever has the long 'I' sound), as the techie, but drunk on alcohol and high on (shhhh!) simultandousley -wait a minute. Simultaneously. Actually, more like synergistically.

Well, anyway, If I could shut up! I'd start with the story of my job interview.

Yeah, why not - it's been busting me at the seams since it happened - I mean, I want to share my experience.

Many of you may have noticed that one of our compatriots here signs himself/herself "Watson A. Name." This is a quite clever nym, in my book. But I don't have all that big of a book. But that's neither here nor there. The point is, Watson had mentioned aspects of his job, that seem to be congruent with things that I can do, and lately I've been having a little in-between time, so I posted something like "Hey, Watson! Need another techie up there?" Short story shorter, Watson postes a URL of a job opening at UCSB - University of California, Seventeenth and Bristol. :-D :-D ;-D - this has been a very long-standing southern California joke - Santa Ana Community College, or Santa Ana Junior College, or, apparently these days, Santa Ana College, lives at Seventeenth and Bristol, in Santa Ana.

Boy, I could milk this story. Oh, well, why not? I'm fupped duck, I have enough of my favorite intoxicants to get me through the night, so, OK, kiddies, kick back, relax, and hear about Uncle Rich's Job Interview. (Or click "NEXT"). ;-0

OK, so I had answered this ad that Watson Name pointed out to me; it might still be in the archives - and I filled out a form, and according to my estimation of myself in the blanks I filled out on that form, I was buttered toast walking on water. ;-D (Hey! I just now this very sentence made up that last mixed metaphor! Are you sure it's safe to post under my real name when I'm this stoned?" "Yeah, fegeddabaadit!") ) OK, are we back in real-time here?

I'd been to the corner of Seventeenth and Bristol before. In the late 1980's. At the time when across 17th street from Santa Ana Community College (the time when the UCSB gag would get a laugh for miles around, in convenience stores and stuff), At that time, all there was in the northwest quadrant of the

17th==X Bristol==Y block was a huge concrete parking lot with a standalone movie theater at the end of a dying strip mall, which movie theater showed the XXXest rated flicks that it was legal to show in those days, and after dark was a very popular free blowjob joint.

Anyways,, I showed up for my interview, and one of the things I noticed, although on retrospect it's probably not all that important, was that the college chicks seem to have biggger butts than they used to. But, it's summer seeeion, so things are probably different.

Anyways, I get to the door of the room where the interview is suposed to be and there's a handwritten note scotch-taped to the glass of the door: "Interview in session. Please have a seat, and you will be called." Well, it's about a 12' by

12' room, one wall is all windows, except the door - the point is, the one whole 12 foot wall is all glass windows to the hallway. Well, with the door. And there's some guy sitting in there with his back to the door - there's a conference table in this room, diagonally, where the long axis points at the corner with the door. I didn't realize the significance of this until it was my turn to go in for my interview - but I do rememeber thinking, "You NEVER expect the Spanish Inqisition!" there were six or seven other people interviewing this suspect. So, I wrote a note on my note paper, that I had, present-of-mindedly, brought with me: "Rich Grise - 8:30 interview - stepped out for a smoke" and put it on the chair with my newspaper and maybe my pen - anyways, I finish my smoke, come back inside, and the interview crew seems confused. Evidently, the guy before me _finally_ got done with his interview, and they had released him, and for some reason or another, didn't know how to deal with the empty spot I'd left by going out for a smoke. Well, OK, I sez to myself, let's go in and dazzle them.

I says to one of the confused-looking inquisitors, "Hi! Are you looking for me? I'm Rich Grise, your 8:30 interview! :-) He invites me into the room, and the two of us do the old vaudeville "Oh, after you!" bit for a couple of beats, and I just march into the room, and the guy, who it turns out is the chief interviewer, catches the doorknob on his belt. How could anybody make anything like that up?

That pops the first bubble of tension, everybody has a little chuckle, and I say, "Well, as a matter of fact, there's something I have to warn you about - if you make me laugh, in a big silly - well, you see I'm in the middle of some dental procedure, so don't judge me for the big gap in my mouth, and I want to be able to be natural with you ...

So I sit down at the end of the table, and there were seven other peole there. This is the first time I've been in a job interview where I was beint interviewed by more than one person! =:-O You NEVER expect the Spanish Inquisition!

So, the guy who was the head of the interview, the guy who had opened the door for me, and caught his belt in the handle (This is excusable - th e room was laid (layed?) oit abominablally. Anyways, he goes and takes his seat at the far end of the table, and introduces six other pepole, of which one was Caucasian, and she looked so much like my own sister, I, - well, I kept it to myself. The rest were Asian, except the guy opposite the Caucasian Redhead - he was Hispanic, albeit very light-skinned, with the worst hair I've ever seen. I mean, you've all heard the term, "Bad Hair Day", Right? And you've heard of, say, "Pillow hair?" that sort of thing? It would be difficult to describe this fellow's hairdo. Think,, jet black, in the shape of Bart Simpson's hair, but with straggles. By shape, I mean Herman Munster-shaped hair.

So, anyways, I sit down (f*ck! bet this is gonna be long, I haven't even got to the inetrerview part yet! guh-hyuk!

So, I sit down at the end of the table with my back to the dooor, facing these seven pepole, and there's a test scotch-taped to the table. It's kind of like a questionnaire. There's eleven questions. I says, "Oh, crap! An essay test. I _hate_ essay tests!" They all make reassuring noises. "No, we're just going to ask you how you'd respond to these situations.."

It was like an oral, but they had predefined questions.

And actually, If I was tasked to make up an interview like that, I'd have probably come up with very similar questions. A couple of the questions were about impossible situations. "What would you do if it were three minutes before the end of your shift and one of the students just reported that the printer's broken and they need it to complete today's assignment?" My off-the-cuff, impromptu, on-the-spot, mane it up right there on the spur of the moment response to that question was, "Well, if I'm really on a strict time clock, I'd clock out and make it somebody else's problem." With a twinkle, and they all laughed.

That's the thing tha tprompted me to get drunk and stoned and rant^H^H^H^H go on and on about my job interibeview - it doesn't really _mattrer_ to me if I got the jomb - I made people _laugh_ in real-time.

A cvouple of times during that job interview, I made them all laugh about an issue. I did, of course, qualify for all of the technical crap. I ain't _that_ stupid, to go apply for a job that even I know I'm not qualified for.

Oh, yeah, just remembered. Question number 11 was, something about, do you have any other qustions or ahything elxe you can offer?

I said, yeah, two things. One, what are the hours, because I have to coordinate with the guy where I'm the sysop, and the other thing is, I heard about this job on USENET, from some guy who signs himself "Watson A. Name", who apparently already works here. And the head interviewer guy said, "Yeah, I know what you're talking about, and I know the fellow you're referring to." And just looked sort of wise and inscrutable.

So, WTF? If you have to go to a job interview to get a live laugh, WTF?

Thanks! Ricih (Fuck! Can't even spell my own name! WSo, ya thinwkk we shoujld proofread this? Nsaaah! We're drunk and stoked, STONED, they dedserve fari waringnn!.)

Reply to
Rich Grise
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Isn't that the widely-discredited pointy-haired-boss method of evaluating competence?

--
 Thanks,
    - Win
Reply to
Winfield Hill

Hey, *I* claim credit for first calling GM a fathead.

John

Reply to
John Larkin

So, even you wouldn't hire yourself. No wonder you can't keep a job.

--
  Keith
Reply to
keith

I used to recommend you to potential employers, but that was before you decided to call me a fathead.

BTW, what ever happened to your great plan of using different usernames for the silly posts and the serious ones?

Reply to
Guy Macon

Multiple interviewees seem to be common for college level positions. It's probably cheaper. For those out there who schedule these kinds of things, I'll point out right now that they are terribly annoying. Unless you happen to be some kind of toothless stand up comic, in which case, they are cause for celebration...

BTW: "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again."

--
Regards,
  Bob Monsen

If a little knowledge is dangerous, where is the man who has
so much as to be out of danger?
                                  Thomas Henry Huxley, 1877
Reply to
Bob Monsen

Interestingly, I would hire someone who has called me names. In fact I have done so. That's because as the one doing the hiring, the ability to do the job is a much higher priority than being a nice person is. When recommending someone, I have no financial interest in the outcome and I don't know the employers attitude on ability vs. niceness, so I limit my recommendations to people who can do the job and who are pleasant to be around.

Reply to
Guy Macon

Not even janitorial material ;-)

...Jim Thompson

-- | James E.Thompson, P.E. | mens | | Analog Innovations, Inc. | et | | Analog/Mixed-Signal ASIC's and Discrete Systems | manus | | Phoenix, Arizona Voice:(480)460-2350 | | | E-mail Address at Website Fax:(480)460-2142 | Brass Rat | |

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| 1962 | I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Reply to
Jim Thompson

--- So, Rich's technical capabilities vary with your vicissitudes and you'll only recommend him if he's nice to you?

You _are_ a fathead. You're also an asshole, a chickenshit, a dumbfuck, and a coward who chooses to hide behind a filter rather than face the truth.

The truth being that you're an asshole, a chickenshit, a dumbfuck, and a coward who chooses to hide behind a filter rather than face the truth.

---

--- It seems to me to be in place, and working quite well, even if you can't discern the differences.

Your posts, on the other hand, seem to be getting you nothing back but hostility.

Must be something wrong on your end, or else _all_ the rest of us must be wrong, Adolf.

-- John Fields Professional Circuit Designer

Reply to
John Fields

I can hardly imagine how you would be interested in any 'potential employer', for whatever that it is worth.

It's even harder to imagine that you care to respond to this bag of shit called Gay Mucon, there is nothing to win or gain in this game.

While I never understood why you cared to respond to postings of news2020, who was ridiculized by practically the entire lot of SED, I did understand that it is just your open mind

*and* heart to those in (perhaps) need.

But Gay Mucon is a bag of shit we can all do without, why bother. Don't fight the windmills.

Yes, I know. "Goethe hat schon gesagt, namen witzen sind die slechtenstens". (name jokes are the worst, salami worst, thanks Speff, for that one)... but Gay Mucon deserves that none the less. What a piece of shit is he.

--
Thanks, Frank.
(remove \'q\' and \'invalid\' when replying by email)
Reply to
Frank Bemelman

I had one of these 30+ years ago at NCR (in El Segundo, CA?). It was a PITA, not unlike an inquisition. I told them many times to move on, but they kept comming back to the found weakness. They did offer a job, but at the *exact* salary I was offered elsewhere, by people that treated me as an asset. I told the HR guy that I had no interest in the job because of their policy (and HR was at fault here too).

The funny one was at CDC. Their HR group f***ed up so badly that they forgot to send the plant-trip out, yet blamed me. Then the screwed up the trip so no hardware type was there for the interview. After which the HR types accused me of cheating them on the expense account (split half the trip with another company and stayed with my brother *in town* over the weekend; no hotel bill). ...in a room *full* (30-40) of candidates. I let loose on that asshole with all cannons, telling all present what I thought of their cheesy tactics (including giving each candiate a $5 bill to pay half the taxi fare to another site). What a bunch of morons. It's no wonder CDC is no more.

What a great PHB thought; scare the best away!

--
  Keith
Reply to
keith

Your "morph the name" jokes are really quite tedious and annoying.

You seem to think that ad hominem personal attacks are an acceptable substitution for a rational discussion of the issue at hand, but the impartial observer can easily spot you as the bully that you are and disregard you.

The good news is that I have a wonderful device that makes flamers like you go away. It's called a killfile.

*plonk*

Ah. Much better.

Reply to
Guy Macon

So you suffer mental constipation as a result of disagreement, and withdrawal is your laxative? Does not make you sound like someone who keeps his head under stress- definitely NOT management material...

Reply to
Fred Bloggs

There is NO cannibalism in this newsgroup. Well, when I say *none*, I mean not much.

You're all a bunch of poofters.

Bob

Reply to
Bob

I use it to mean a person with an inflated ego, namely one who considers himself to be very important and takes himself very seriously. I think of "knucklehead" as someone who does dumb things.

A fathead would write long, pompous essays on his theories of management, when he has a history of not keeping jobs. A knucklehead would install new tires on my car and let me drive away without tightening the lug nuts. (Both examples from real life.)

I like that too.

John

Reply to
John Larkin

I made it about a block along Mission street, in my MG Midget, when the right-rear wheel fell off in heavy traffic. I walked back to the tire place and screamed at them, and they hustled out a crew to fix it in the middle of the street. Knuckleheads.

John

Reply to
John Larkin

I get all my tire work done at Discount Tire... for probably 25-30 years now.

Throughout all that time I've observed one very comforting action... after the technician mounts all the tires a manager comes over and checks the torque on all the lug nuts.

I suspect that somewhere along the company's history an "unfortunate" event happened ;-)

...Jim Thompson

--
|  James E.Thompson, P.E.                           |    mens     |
|  Analog Innovations, Inc.                         |     et      |
|  Analog/Mixed-Signal ASIC\'s and Discrete Systems  |    manus    |
|  Phoenix, Arizona            Voice:(480)460-2350  |             |
|  E-mail Address at Website     Fax:(480)460-2142  |  Brass Rat  |
|       http://www.analog-innovations.com           |    1962     |
             
I love to cook with wine.      Sometimes I even put it in the food.
Reply to
Jim Thompson

Yup. The kite was so light it didn't do anything but scratch the drum thingie a little. Stud threads were fine.

Fun car to drive, between breakdowns.

John

Reply to
John Larkin

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It can also be qualified to further personalize the insult, for example "tediuous fathead" or "pretentious fathead". Of course there are many subtle shades of meaning that might only be apparent to a native speaker, and perhaps not even then. "Fathead" is not in my active vocabulary, but the rather similar "knucklehead" is. Or, the minimalist "knob".

I've found that dogs really like it when you squirt real whipped cream (the aerosol kind) right into their mouths.

Best regards, Spehro Pefhany

--
"it\'s the network..."                          "The Journey is the reward"
speff@interlog.com             Info for manufacturers: http://www.trexon.com
Embedded software/hardware/analog  Info for designers:  http://www.speff.com
Reply to
Spehro Pefhany

I had an interview for a senior position at a University which had about 12 people around the table, including the 'consultant' who was doing the job temporarily. It was a great interview and I was suitably confident, however the consultant got the job. Hmmm.

I'll just join the architects for tea and biscuits....with hundreds and thousands on them.....

Ken

Reply to
Ken Taylor

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