Interesting. Many of these observations have been made before by others. Why not challenge your students to devise a way to get Archie to see himself for what he actually is. Then we can all watch him either morph into a butterfly or totally self-destruct.
Hey Archie - this makes three or four people that have now been able to locate your claim of celibacy. You should realize that it's only a matter of time before more people become curious and seek it out. Now's your chance to explain it without that silly ostritch-like approach of asking for a citation. You can't help it if you're a fruit. Perhaps the explanation will generate understanding of your less-than-polite Usenet demeanor and reduce the attacks on all of your nyms.