Now

You must have very few lights in your house if you need a torch to see a dead one.

--

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, and long graceful legs all the way up to her armpits, you know the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call. "Hello?" the woman says. god she sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage. And I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is s-e-x. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want, Baby. Now, how does that sound?" She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."

"My dog goes nuts when I run windows":

Michael