"Pin 20" is optionally a molded-in "key" on the female (or it could be a contact like most of the other signal lines). There's no hole at all on the molded key type. These things are NOT intended to be general-purpose connectors.
Blue is the system board connector, pin 34 will be NC Black is the Device 0, Primary connector Gray is the Device 1, Secondary connector, pin 28 will be NC
For original references, see the work of T13 Technical Committee, and of course the relevant connector data sheets.
I've designed a product using these components... when you need a few dozen controlled-impedance lines and the BOM can't afford individual coax cables...
Best regards, Spehro Pefhany