World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns

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World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns

The world is rapidly running out of electrons, a new report from
environmental action group Earth First warns. They have advocated that
electrons be placed on the endangered sub-atomic particles list.

Electrons are being used in shocking numbers by all consumers of
electricity. The usual scapegoats of the United States and Western
Europe are once again at the top of the list, consuming electrons at a
rate of 900 gigawatts per day. A single digital computer uses electrons
at a rate of approximately 6 billion billion per second, almost equal to
the rate at which the federal deficit is growing. The report predicts a
serious worldwide electron shortage by tomorrow.
A single digital computer uses electrons at a rate of approximately 6
billion billion per second.

Confronted with the report, White House Chief of Staff Karl Rove just
shrugged. "I don't know. We'll worry about it next week," he told
reporters. News of the report sent electronics stocks tumbling to their
lowest level in five hours. Utility company stock, however, soared, as
the price of electrons doubled to over three dollars a gallon.

The Earth First report recommends the immediate closure of all electron
drilling, refining, and distributing operations, and a reversion back to
the cave-man life style. Critics called their recommendations "somewhat
drastic".

Al Gore's "Alliance for Climate Protection" has called for the
development of alternative energy carriers. Protons have been
considered, but they are some 2000 times more massive than electrons and
tend to clog the wires. Gore and the other democratic candidates have
ignored neutrons, as they rarely vote anyway. The neutrons we surveyed
had no opinion on the matter. The Alliance has also proposed the
construction of a new sub-atomic particle to replace the dwindling
electron supply. However, new sub-atomic particles are expensive, as
they are often patented and cannot presently be assembled in Taiwan or
Malaysia. American supercollider operators are working on better ways to
export the technology, to prevent too much work being done in the United
States.

As the number of negative charges decreases, the entire earth becomes
more electropositive, contributing to Global Positivism. While the
Democrats favor a more negative planet, the Bush administration has
touted the benefits of Positivism. For example, hostile aliens who
traveled to earth from a more electronegative world would be "posicuted"
(a generally fatal process similar to electrocution and watching Barney)
as soon as they stepped out of their flying saucers. However, friendly
aliens would suffer the same fate. It is not yet known whether most
aliens are friendly or hostile, but science fiction authors seem to
favor the latter view.

The electron is not the first sub-atomic particle to be driven to
annihilation or near-extinction by human activities. The tachyon, for
example, was killed off by Einstein and his philosophy of special moral
relativity, which permitted the extermination of non- conforming
particles. The previously often hypothesized magnetic monopole was
spotted once in the wild but has never been seen again by confirming
researchers. The strange quark has a half-life of only 1 nanosecond and
currently cannot reproduce outside of magnetic captivity. There is, at
any given time, an average of less than one left in the whole world.  



Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
This wasn't all that funny the first time around.

--  
Jeff-1.0
wa6fwi
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Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
I read this article very early one April a few  
years back.

Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
Good, I am tired of those things. they are all so negative. Fukum.

Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
snipped-for-privacy@tubes.com wrote:


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Karl Rove?  Gee, this must be a REALLY old article!

Jon

Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
On Friday, June 30, 2017 at 12:51:53 PM UTC-4, Jon Elson wrote:
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Back then,we just needed a few "nattering nabobs of negativism" to set things right.  

Would that it were so simple today!

Peter Wieck
Melrose Park, PA  

Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
wrote:

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Yep, it's old, but that is because the shortage of electrons caused the
message to delay leaving my computer for 30 million nano-light years,
and the internet is operating at less than 4% on the world wide
internetometer.  

I just watched the wires bulge as a cluster of electrons from September
of 2014 finally made their way into my modem.   :)


Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
On Sat, 01 Jul 2017 00:53:40 -0400, snipped-for-privacy@tubes.com wrote:

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That's possible.  The drift velocity of an electron through a copper
wire is not the speed of light, but rather about 80 cm/hr (0.20
mm/sec).
<https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-speed-of-electric-current

Now, if you need something to worry about, please note that the worlds
supply of available white space is limited and finite.  At the present
consumption rate, I predict that we will run out of white space very
soon when allthewordswillruntogether.



--  
Jeff Liebermann     snipped-for-privacy@cruzio.com
150 Felker St #D    http://www.LearnByDestroying.com
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Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
On Sat, 01 Jul 2017 19:24:20 -0700, Jeff Liebermann wrote:

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Plus they're not sending me any *voltage* either! The pos and neg half-
cycles are equal in magnitude either side of zero volts, so the average  
voltage I'm getting over the course of a billing period is zero. And they  
only briefly *lend* me electrons - yet they have the nerve to wonder why  
I constantly complain! Bastards.


Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
Cursitor Doom wrote on 7/2/2017 5:59 PM:
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You don't get to keep the beer you drink.  Do you complain to Coors that  
their beer ends up raising your sewer bill?

--  

Rick C

Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
On 7/2/2017 6:25 PM, rickman wrote:
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*Grins*
Don't encourage him....


--  
Jeff-1.0
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Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
On 7/2/2017 8:01 PM, Foxs Mercantile wrote:
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You know, I complained to Coca-Cola about how their 2-liter bottles kept  
running out as I drank 'em. They, more-or-less, told me where to go!

Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
wrote:

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I have a similar problem with evaporating jelly beans.  I keep a jar
of them on my office desk.  Over a period of one to three weeks, the
jelly beans would slowly disappear.  I trust visiting customers,
delivery services, salesmen, neighbors, friends, visitors, fire
inspectors, diabetics, etc to be honest and confess to stealing some
when I ask.  Since nobody has done so, I can only conclude that the
seal on the jar is inadequate after opening, causing the contents to
evaporate.  I have attempted to measure the effect using a precision
jewelery scale, but have been unable to retain a sample long enough to
measure before it disappears.  Obviously, there must be a conspiracy
to supress the effect.  Googling for scientific papers on jelly bean
evaporation finds that no research has been done on the topic.  Notice
that the contents of some jelly beans include "evaporated cane juice"
which makes me suspect that the evaporation continues in the jar:
<https://www.forbes.com/sites/legalnewsline/2017/05/22/sued-over-sugar-in-jelly-beans-jelly-bellys-response-this-is-nonsense/


--  
Jeff Liebermann     snipped-for-privacy@cruzio.com
150 Felker St #D    http://www.LearnByDestroying.com
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Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
On Monday, July 3, 2017 at 8:34:55 AM UTC-5, Jeff Liebermann wrote:
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-jelly-beans-jelly-bellys-response-this-is-nonsense/>
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You are a nut. But being a Jew I assume there is a madness to your method.  
(or does that go the other way ?)

But jellybeans turn me off. So do all of those gummy candies. I cannot unde
rstand how anyone could eat that. To me it doesn't even look like food.  

But about you jellybeans and their apparent evaporation, you are the one wh
o forgot to put a price tag on them. Just on the jar would suffice actually
 but you put forth the idea that they are just free. So when people take th
em, whaddya want me to shoot them ?

Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
On 7/3/2017 9:27 AM, snipped-for-privacy@gmail.com wrote:
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The fuck is your problem?

--  
Jeff-1.0
wa6fwi
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Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
On Monday, July 3, 2017 at 12:33:27 PM UTC-4, Foxs Mercantile wrote:
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Add "Racist" to the list.  

Peter Wieck
Melrose Park, PA  

Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
On 7/3/2017 9:34 AM, Jeff Liebermann wrote:
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Not sure about jelly beans, but I do have a problem w/ regular beans.  
They disappear as I eat them (which is bad enough), but then they cause  
me to keep sending gas into the air. Now, I'm told that a majority of  
that gas is methane, which could be useful, but is only causing air  
pollution! :)


Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
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I believe land-fill sites have methane recovery systems, so that is  
where to get buried...

Mike.

Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
Liquids "Evaporate".  
Solids "Sublimate" .

You need to understand the process better before you complain. If the seal  
on that jar is less than 100% the beans will continue to disappear. Were it
 to be 100%, they would deposit themselves as an even layer inside the glas
s, but gradually and over a great deal of time.

Peter Wieck
Melrose Park, PA

Re: World Running Out of Electrons, New Report Warns
wrote:

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Karl Rove was Deputy Chief of Staff under GW Bush from 2001 - 2007.
Andrew Card was Chief of Staff during this period.
--  
Jeff Liebermann     snipped-for-privacy@cruzio.com
150 Felker St #D    http://www.LearnByDestroying.com
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