Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Al Gore: "I invented the chicken"

Bill Clinton:  "I did not have sex with _that_ chicken"

John Kerry:  "I voted to allow the chicken to cross the road before I
voted against it..."

The TURD from South Dakota, not yet back from the exercise yard:
"Yummy!  Fresh road kill!"

                                        ...Jim Thompson
|  James E.Thompson, P.E.                           |    mens     |
|  Analog Innovations, Inc.                         |     et      |
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?
On Apr 11, 12:29 pm, Jim Thompson <To-Email-Use-The-Envelope-I...@My-
Web-Site.com> wrote:
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Dick Cheney:  Where's my gun ooops <BANG> Sorry.

Ralph Nader: To get away from all the lead paint.

Douglas Feith: Obviously we have to kill it just to be safe.

Einstein:  The road moved under a stationary chicken.

Rumsfeld: You cross the road with the chicken you have.

Mukasey:  I am unware of any chicken crossing the road at this time.

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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?
On Fri, 11 Apr 2008 19:00:06 -0700 (PDT), MooseFET

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Excellent !!

                                        ...Jim Thompson
|  James E.Thompson, P.E.                           |    mens     |
|  Analog Innovations, Inc.                         |     et      |
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Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?

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I kept this "chicken" from the old days, got it from a friend at MIT. Shows
its age though.

Jure Z.


   For the greater good.

 Karl Marx:
   It was a historical inevitability.

   So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has
 the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for
 whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian
 virtue?  In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

   Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

 Jacques Derrida:
   Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of
 the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as
 the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD,

 Noam Chomsky:
         The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something
 like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year, had spent 82% of
 their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops
 break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones
 for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had
 no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket).
 Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a
 chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens
 happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where
 chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally,
 Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a
 subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ...
 (Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact
 Odonian Press)

 Thomas de Torquemada:
   Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

 Timothy Leary:
   Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

 Douglas Adams:

   Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the
 Road gazes also across you.

 Oliver North:
    National Security was at stake.

 B.F. Skinner:
   Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from
 birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to
 cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

 Carl Jung:
   The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
 individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore
 synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

 Jean-Paul Sartre:
   In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it
 necessary to cross the road.

 Ludwig Wittgenstein:
   The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and
 "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of
 this potential

 Albert Einstein:
   Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken
 depends upon your frame of reference.

   To actualize its potential.

   If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

 Howard Cosell:
   It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace
 the annals of history.  An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the
 temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
 homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

 Salvador Dali:
   The Fish.

   It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

 Emily Dickinson:
   Because it could not stop for death.

   For fun.

 Ralph Waldo Emerson:
   It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

 Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
   The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

 Ernest Hemingway:
   To die. In the rain.

 Werner Heisenberg:
   We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was
 moving very fast.

 David Hume:
   Out of custom and habit.

 Saddam Hussein:
   This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
 dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

 Jack Nicholson:
   'Cause it (censored) wanted to.  That's the (censored) reason.

 Pyrrho the Skeptic:
   What road?

 Ronald Reagan:
   I forget.

 John Sununu:
   The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite
 understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

 The Sphinx:
   You tell me.

 Henry David Thoreau:
   To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

 Mark Twain:
   The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

 Katherine McKinnon:
         Because, in this patriarchial state, for the last four centuries,
 men have applied their principles of justice in determining how chickens
 should be cared for, their language has demeaned the identity of the
 chicken, their technonogy and trucks have decided how and where chickens
 will be distributed, their science has become the basis for what chickens
 eat, their sense of humor has provided the framework for this joke, their
 art and film have given us our perception of chicken life, their lust for
 flesh has has made the chicken the most consumned animal in the US, and
 their legal system has left the chicken with no other recourse.

 Stephen Jay Gould:
         It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it,
 but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories
 despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of
 behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors
 that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

 Joseph Stalin:
         I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.

 Malcom X:
         It was coming home to roost.

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