We've buried a fair number of friends in the past year or so. As we get older, we no longer look at these as "sad events" but, rather, also as "learning opportunities" -- figuring we'll eventually be on one of those "final glide paths".
Unfortunately, most of these relationships have been "arm's length". So, approaching the surviving family members for details about their departed's "last days" is ... uncomfortable.
We've tried dragging up details that we remember of others who've died in years past to put together chronologies of what their individual processes were.
E.g., drop dead of a heart attack after a bike ride is pretty straightforward: here today, gone tomorrow. Come home from a daily hike and keel over, same thing. Stroke out while driving to the ER, ditto.
OTOH, folks diagnosed with various types/stages of Ca and the treatments they received, quality of life they *appeared* to have, and, lifespan after Dx tend to vary. Our friend this week succumbed to CHF.
We started to make a mental list and scared ourselves at the number of bodies: "The hard part of getting older is knowing dead people"
So, we tried to focus on just the recent departed.
Working backwards from Jon, it appears hospice is an elective choice the patient (?) makes. The 'technicality" of hospice being that they *won't* save your life (e.g., no more trips to the ER when you're in distress - even if it is obviously terminal!).
It also seems to be that the last 2 days you see round-the-clock care. But, no sooner. As if a light goes on and says "we're down to the last 48 hours". I don't know if this is a skill the caregivers pick up (recognizing the last days). Or, if the patient is sort of ... "nudged" along (ISTR a friend's Mom was given ever increasing doses of morphine to manage her pain; no doubt the final dose was enough to put her over the edge?)
[Yet, we know folks who were "kicked out" of hospice for not dying fast enough? Perhaps a financial issue??]Backing up even further, there is "palliative care". This is apparently different than hospice (?). Perhaps "pain/comfort management" because nothing else *can* be done. The distinction between it and hospice possibly being that you *can* revisit the ER for emergency care? I.e., you might not be eligible for any care that will change your morbidity but they (and you!) haven't thrown in the towel, yet.
[For example, someone with advanced stomach cancer probably "can't be saved" but that doesn't mean he'd be allowed to die if he had a heart attack, etc. OTOH, "in hospice", he would?]Backing up even farther are the period after (terminal) diagnosis but in which period there may be some hope for extending life or improving (worsening?) quality thereof (e.g., chemo appears to be nasty!).
So, anyone care to clarify these things from first hand experiences? I.e., how "inevitable" and "timely" the consequences of each of these "milestones"?
[Sorry if it makes anyone uncomfortable to revisit issues that might still be "fresh" for them]